Thursday, July 1, 2010

Why I hate Pakistani culture as a whole

There is much good in Pakistani culture indeed. (that is obviously not what this post is going to be about .. sad I know).

But God I hate Pakistani culture with such a passion and i can't stand it to such a degree that I had to marry out of my culture and have never regreted it alhamdulillah.  Ok disclaimer(i hate disclaimers by the way). I used to love desi music and would still listen to it if I thought of music as halal but thats another story for another time..)

I actually met a Pakistani girl one time at a gathering who grew up in a Western country, became practicing, went through a rebellious phase in her life and married out of the culture. And even though the culture she married into wasn't completely different, she actually told me she wished she had married a Pakistani. I was a bit surprised that someone would casually comment about something like that but at the same time I kind of admired her guts to be able to be so honest.  I also felt really bad for her. I also felt that I can never feel the same way.

In Pakistani culture, no matter how 'modern' or 'liberal' a family you marry into, there's certain constraints that only seem to apply to women.

In so many families, it is weird that a husband and wife would sit next to eachother on the couch. Excuse me?

In so many families, when you go to a gathering where your mother in law is present, you're supposed to be stuck to her hip.

There is a unsaid concept in countless families that if a girl visits her own parents after marriage and gets to see them often that somehow this is a favor bestowed on her by her inlaws and husband.  This is not something that only exists in Pakistan sadly but something that desis raise their sons on even in the US.

In countless families, it isn't the husband who is the head of the household but the husband's mother.

Girls must wear what their inlaws want them to wear? Vat? Sure who can stop mother in laws or older women who have strong opinion from expressing their views. No problem. I'm sure when i'm 60 I will have very firm opinions on many things, BUT the weirdness in this case is that the inlaws having an opinion on their daughter in law's clothes is actualy something that is followed.

and on and on and on.

and ofcourse how could i forget. If your inlaws get sick, you are obligated by the religion that is Pakistani culture to serve them hand and foot, while their own daughter has zero obligations.

What makes me sick is that while people could certainly live close to eachother in a much healthier way, doing the whole joint family thing the way the majority of the culture practices is something that so many people hate but at the same time they promote it as well.

I much rather prefer the way some other cultures do it..they live RIGHT NEXT TO EACHOTHER..but have their own apartments/houses etc.  People need their space. I guess everyone's definition is different.  For some people(and its strange to me obviously and quite normal to many of them) all they need is a bedroom and bathroom.

Anyway if you are an arab sister thinking of marrying a desi, (desis can be great, sure, good people everywhere, but culture does affect most people), think twice and talk to as many desis as possible to understand the culture.

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